why won't He talk to me?

There have been many times my wife has told me that she didn’t feel me. I was there but not there, know what I mean. This greatly frustrates her as much as it frustrates me because as a man I just find myself hindered by what we talked about on the last article, the fear of failure.

Many wives like my wife have had to grapple with this complex situation. They are deeply perplexed at the apparent emotional unavailability of their husbands.  This mystery and disappointment surrounding a husband’s emotional distance is summarized in the familiar question by many wives, “Why won’t he talk to me?’

The problem is not experienced by all men. In fact some men will not identify at all with
the problem of not knowing how to discuss emotional information. There are a few men who are
quite capable of discussing their feelings and are attentive and curious about the emotions
of others they are in relationship with.

But for many men, however, the prospect of an emotional conversation with anyone is a
fate to be avoided at all cost. They would rather be dragged through thistles than talk
about, “feeeeelings…” especially the traditional African man who has become emotionally dis empowered. What do I mean by that? Most of us grew up in homes where we were told that real men don’t cry, in other words it is girlish or childish to express our emotions. These men will go to great lengths to keep their own emotional processes suppressed and to avoid having to address and attend to the emotional experiences of others.


This is especially true in the context of marriage, the wives of these men often express deep pain and sorrow at being shut out and excluded from the emotional vulnerability of their beloved husband. Most husbands drown themselves in their jobs, ministry in Church or alcohol in order to avoid facing their own issues. They don’t know what to do when their wives start crying and pouring out their emotions on them.

So ladies, you now know why he won’t talk to you. We will continue looking at other reasons why men find it hard to connect with their emotions and thus shut off their significant other instead of risking vulnerability and finding the key to opening up and talking to their wife thus connecting with her emotionally.