BOYS 2 MEN

The other day a friend of mine invited my wife and I for an occasion in his house. It was to celebrate the naming of his first-born son by his father who the boy is actually named after. This was the first time that we were attending such a function and what I witnessed there really intrigued me.

Apart from the many visitors who travelled all the way from the Mount Kenya region to witness this great occasion, and the wonderful gifts (in terms of cash) that this little boy (oblivious of what was happening) was given, and not forgetting the wonderful food we ate; this occasion reminded me once again of the important role a Father (or grandfather in this case) has in the life of the young men or boys. 

This function reminded me of one father-naming story in the scriptures that in particular intrigues me. It centers on Benjamin, the last born son of Jacob. Rachel gives birth to the boy but will die as a result. With her last breathe she names him Ben-Oni, which means “son of my sorrow”. But Jacob intervenes and names him Benjamin – “son of my right hand” (Genesis 35:18). This is a critical move, when a boy draws his identity no longer from the mother, but from the father. 

A boy is brought into the world by his mother, and she is the center of his universe in those first tender months and years. She suckles him, nurtures him, protects him, she sings to him, reads to him, watches over him…… She often names him as well, tender names like “my little lamb” “sweetheart”……. But a boy cannot grow to manhood with a name like that. There comes a time for the shift when he begins to seek out his father’s attention, affection and affirmation. It is then that it takes an active intervention by the man to name his boy.

“Women can change the embryo to a boy, but only the men can change the boy to a man"                           – Robert Bly 

ADAM, WHERE ARE YOU?

We are living in different and difficult times than our Fathers lived. Things have changed. The women are no longer content in just staying at home and raising babies. The society has shown them that they are equal if not better than men. And so now any thing that a  man can do a woman can do also. Women in some homes have even taken the role of being the bread winner. In short the woman has been empowered.

So what does this mean as far as marriage is concerned. Does it mean that just because the woman is ahead economically, earns more than the man, that she is now the head of the family? Does the woman empowerment mean that her role in the family has changed. No, being ahead doesn't necessarily mean that you are now the head.

God is clear about the matter of equality. I Peter 3:7; the Bible exhorts husbands to treat their wives as equal partners in marriage. Husband and Wife are equal, but their roles are different. The man is and should be the head of the family and the wife should submit herself to his leadership. But where the man fails to take leadership, like the first man Adam did in Genesis chapter 3:6, the woman is left with no option but to usurp his authority and what happens next is a disaster.

This is what is happening in our Nation today with the whole issue of Husband battering. The man has absconded his role, he has failed to take responsibility in the home no wonder the women are asking where are the men? Adam where are you? Thus the woman has had to not only handle her responsibilities of taking care of the home and children, but also taking over the man's responsibilities of providing. And thus she ends up being very frustrated and the result is the violence we are witnessing now in our nation.

DO I STILL JAZZ YOU?

Last Saturday at IBS-Biblica we had a ball. We want to believe many marriages were rejuvenated as Gracie challenged the couples to ask themselves this question, "Do I still jazz you?" Emphasis here on the word STILL. After that we jazzed each other into the night as we danced with each other till midnight. It was lovely.

I believe like us, you once jazzed each other but with time, with the clatters of life coming in between us, our marriages have run out of wine. We need a miracle for the ordinary relationship (water) to be turned into wine once again. We want to still be jazzed with each other; To enjoy each other, not merely enduring each other; To stop being frustrated with each other and start fascinating each other all over again.

We need to look back and see the height from which we have fallen (fallen out of love), and repent, turn around and begin to do the things we did at first. The fact that we did these things during our courtship or in our early years of marriage is proof that yes, we can still jazz each other.

 That is romance, and that is what will spice up our marriages. So be courageous enough and dare to ask your spouse, "Do I still jazz you?" Then go the extra-mile in asking him/her, "What can I do to jazz you? What do I need to stop doing in order to jazz you? What do I need to continue doing to continue jazzing you? And finally, what do I need to do to start jazzing you once again?

Have a jazzing week.

Who said it takes a lot of cash to be romantic? It really doesn't. All it takes is a little effort and creativity from you.” - Anonymous

CAN THERE BE VALENTINE BEYOND FEBRUARY 14?

Exactly a week from today we are going to be celebrating Valentine's day. This is a day when they say "love is in the air". A day when lovers express their love for each other. It's a day which my wife aptly describes as the day in which love "opoto", meaning love is in abundance. It's a day when even the coldest of guys becomes romantic.

What I keep wondering though, especially for those of us who are married,  is why we don't behave this way all year round, everyday being a valentine's day. Now there is nothing wrong with celebrating our love as marrieds on this particular day. But the challenge to us is that romance becomes a part of doing life together. What is romance anyway?

Last week while talking on the popular radio show the Closet, it just hit me that many people don't even know what it means to be romantic. We all have all these crazy, movies and soap operas idea of romance and wonder if that kind of romance is even sustainable in marriage.Someone has said that, “Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get in it, and used to it, it’s not so hot anymore.” Indeed, one thing you can count on in marriage, even the sexiest and tightest of unions, is that between kids and careers and the junk that clutters the days, it’s hard to sustain hotness and bliss. Despite tepid stretches, showing your love well beyond Valentine’s Day is a sure-fire way to stoke a marriage that can last.

Karen Evans of Marriage Today had this to say in defining what Romance is not. "I think one of the most important things about romance is that it's not something you are asked to do. It's something you want to do because you love someone. It's the attitude of, I just love you so much, how can I surprise you? What can I do to bring a surprise and a delight into your life that you don't expect? It's that unexpected thing that just means a lot."

So what is Romance?  This will be a topic for next week.  We will also be delving into this topic as we define what Romance is and how you as a couple can recover your dreams as you ask each other the question, "Do I still jazz you? And "What can I do or not do to jazz you even more?" All this and much much more in our married couple's dinner and dance this Saturday, the 11th of February starting at 6pm. For more details check our website or Facebook page on events. Or simply call 0722-307185.