THREATS TO YOUR MARRIAGE

Conflict is bound to happen where two or three people are gathered together and more so in marriage. We will not always agree on everything since we come from different backgrounds, have different perspectives and have different needs. This coupled with our expectations of one another which in marriage unfortunately is high and often times unrealistic, is bound to cause a lot of conflict.

According to Bishop T.D. Jakes of The Porter’s house, “we got to do something to sustain our relationships. We are losing our ability to survive conflict in our homes.” This is what is causing a lot of marriage breakdowns today. I couldn’t agree with him more. Relationships will have ups and downs and our ability to recognize and resolve conflict is what will determine whether our marriages will thrive or barely survive.

Our capacity to resolve conflicts maturely and negotiate solutions as we consider other people’s perspectives shows how emotionally mature we are. The emotionally mature people are aware of their needs, their expectations, their opinions and prejudices and their emotions and this helps them then manage well their emotions and thus resolve conflict effectively.

IN-LAWS OR OUT-LAWS

In the movie “NOT EASILY BROKEN” one of the major causes of David and Clarice’s marriage is Clarice’s mum who comes to stay with the couple after Clarice breaks her leg in a car accident. Clarice with the instigation of her mum actually ends up throwing David out of their matrimonial home.

Many marriages like David and Clarice’s today are being destroyed by interference from the overly nosy in-laws who want to have a say on where we live, what we do, how many children we have, their names and so forth. In fact results from a recent poll on some of the causes of marital break-up in Kenya placed interference by overly nosy in-laws as having overtaken infidelity as the leading cause of broken marriages in Kenya. As portrayed in popular Television series “Mother-in-law”, how many Mothers-in-law have destroyed their son’s or daughter’s marriages as they try to run them by remote control if not from your own house as is the case of David and Clarice in the movie.

From our own experience working with married couples, many married men in particular don’t actually leave their Father and more importantly their Mother before cleaving to their wife. Leaving doesn’t mean just physically leaving (there are quite a number of men who get married straight from their mother’s houses though), but emotionally and psychologically leaving. The two cannot be one as long as one is still holding on to Mama. Two is company and three is definitely a crowd especially in marriage.

For our marriages to last, we must have clear cut boundaries drawn and agree how much we involve our families of origin in our marriages. Husband and Wife must recognize that it is now their turn to build their own family, their parents turn came and went. Parents can only provide advice when sought for but ultimately, your wife or husband carries the veto power. Mama must thus lose all her voting privileges in your marriage.  

THIS WEEK WE ARE HAVING OUR ANNUAL MARRIED COUPLES VALENTINE DINNER & DANCE COME SPICE UP YOUR MARRIAGE AS YOU JOIN US TOGETHER WITH OTHER COUPLES IN CELEBRATING LOVE. CALL 0729-237766 FOR MORE DETAILS.