In our experience
working with couples it always amazes us how two people can be married and yet
be living separate lives. They have very little in common, don’t enjoy each others company and are not friends.
They fell in love with each other, got married quickly but never
developed their friendship. They were just lovers but not friends.
You see relationships should progress from one stage into the next naturally. We should first begin with a friendship that leads into a courtship and then if all goes well into marriage. It is at the friendship stage that we get to know each others’ likes and dislikes. We get to know their interests, their hobbies, their values, their families, where they are coming from, what their strengths and weaknesses are, what their dreams are and so on. It is an important stage of the relationship because if one is very keen, it is at this stage that you can be able to make an informed choice whether or not to move this relationship forward to the next level.
Unfortunately many of us miss this very important stage in a relationship and rush things through instead of allowing them to grow organically. We rush into courtship which itself is rushed into co-habitation or engagement then later on in life we start discovering that we really have very little in common. The relationship becomes strained and we continue to live together for the sake of family, our parents and the children we have. So we live unhappily ever after no wonder we start looking for something or someone outside our marriage that can excite us.
Marriages that are built on strong friendships have a higher chance of outliving those that are not. Grace's advice to singles planning to get married is usually this, “marry a friend not just a lover”. Couples who are not just lovers but friends tend to enjoy each others company, have a lot in common and experience true companionship which really is the purpose of marriage.
