GREAT MARRIAGES DON'T JUST HAPPEN (Part 3)

There were Five Frogs on the side of a pond. Four decided to jump into the water, how many were left? Think carefully before answering this question. The immediate answer that comes into your mind is obviously 1, right? Wrong, the answer is 5. Why? You see we are only told that the Four Frogs decided to jump into the water but we are not told that they actually did.

Deciding to do something and actually doing it are two different things. Many times I have got these good intentions to do something romantic and special for my wife like, take her out for a date night, just take off from work and hang out with her, or even take her to the movies. But it remains just that, a good thought, good intentions. I have decided to do it but don’t follow through to actually do it. And this gap between good intentions and actualizing them is what differentiates an average marriage from a great one.

Closing that gap between what you have decided to do especially after reading a good book or article like this one on marriage, or even attending a marriage retreat, and actually doing it is what will guarantee you a great marriage. This is what we help many couples do in coaching them in their marriages. We have seen that in helping them put their plans on paper and then holding them accountable to take those action steps helps move their relationship from one level to another.

So don’t just sit there deciding that you are going to jump into your water whatever that may look like for you in your marriage. Go the extra mile and actually do it. Start now, don’t wait for the right time, begin now to work on your marriage. Know where you want to improve on. Work on specifics; don’t just say we want a better marriage. Identify the area you want to work on, find the resources you need to help you improve and then find someone who can hold you accountable to see you follow through on what you have decided to work on.

Yours for a better marriage!

GREAT MARRIAGES JUST DON'T HAPPEN (Part 2)

In our last blog we talked about the assumption that our marriage will grow automatically. We learned that relationships and more so marriage are easy if we just work hard at them. They prosper when and where they are attended to. You must engage the gear it’s not an automatic car.

The second trap that we do fall in is the lack of knowledge one. Not knowing how to do certain things like, how to communicate effectively, how to romance your spouse, how to have a fulfilling sex life, how to meet each other’s needs. These things again don’t just come naturally or automatically. They have to be learned. There are several books that can help you in the different areas of your marriage, there is the net, there are Marriage Seminars and Retreats organized by people like us where you get to learn some of these things. And you just don’t learn for information sake, you learn so as to put into practice.

The more you practice it, the more it becomes a skill that you use to grow your marriage. What we have observed with many couples is that they lack the basic skills especially communication and conflict resolution skills that would have saved their marriage. It is not just a matter of the heart as many couples wish for and pray for a good marriage, but it is also a matter of applying the right skills to have that kind of marriage that you desire. Of course it must first start with a desire because skills without desire, without the heart can lead to manipulation or doing things mechanically. No one wants that in their marriage.

So having the desire to grow your marriage,

·         What skills do you lack?

·         What do you need to do to learn those skills?

·         Where are you going to learn those skills from?