WHAT WOMEN DESIRE

After almost sixteen years of marriage and over ten years of counseling women, I can tell you emphatically that women are basically the same. Like cars, there may be a few different options available on some models, but under the hood, the equipment is the same. Some men don’t understand this, so they keep changing wives (or women) hoping each time to get a newer or better model who performs hundred percent of the time and never needs care and maintenance.

Whether a woman is growing up with her parents or living with her husband, she has a genuine need to be secure. At the heart of every woman is this question, Am I lovely? Women die to be loved right from when they are young. Just as we saw last week, what husbands crave for in a marriage is respect. Wives on the other hand die for love. And hear this well man, love is not sex, as much as sex can be an expression of that love (now that is a topic for another day). Women want to be shown affection. They want to know that they are the main attraction in their husband’s life.

In loving my wife, I make her feel secure in our relationship. And for a husband to satisfy his wife’s need for security, he must first communicate that he cares for his wife above anyone or anything else in his life. Love begins with priorities. She wants to know that she is “numero uno” in your life. My wife wants to know that she comes above and before my work, my family or even the boys. The first commandment in loving her is that I will have no one or other things before her. In case you have been complaining of your wife being jealous, now you know.

Secondly, a husband must communicate his admiration and love for his wife. Let me ask you husband, do you compliment your wife on how beautiful she looks before she goes to work in the morning or do you just let her go off like that only for her to receive compliments from her male boss. After she has spent a while and a fortune in making her hair, do you tell her how lovely she looks or do you just brush aside that head so that you can watch ‘Manu’ loosing to ‘Barca’.

A story is told of a man whose wife was bothered by her husband’s lack of affection for her. She never heard her husband compliment her or even tell her how much he loved her. So one day she dared to ask him the six-million dollar question, “How come you don’t tell me that you love me?” To this the man replied, “When I married you ten years ago, I told you that I loved you. Now when I change my mind I will let you know.”

Women thrive in affection, just like the sunshine makes the flowers open up their petals and bloom, so do words of affection do to a woman’s heart. Remember at the heart of every woman is the cry, “Am I lovely? Do you love me?

WHAT DO MEN WANT?

I, Barnie, read a very interesting story in one of the local dailies this week that I thought was very funny and yet so insightful. In this story a woman who was unhappy with the way her husband was treating her decided to seek the services of a witch docter to find out a way of slowly killing her husband. The witch docter gave the woman this advice, "Take this poison and mix it with the food that you serve him for the next six months. Remember to kiss him often and treat him like a king." This, the witch docter assured her, would make him weaken gradually and kill him eventually. And so excited by this advice the women went and religiously did as she was told. At first her husband was surprised, because they had not been on good terms for a long time. As days turned to weeks and weeks to months she continued doing what she had been told to do and she and her husband started to get close. The man on the other hand started to shower her with a lot of love and affection. Five months later, she realised how happy she was --- her husband had turned into a loving, romantic, thoughtful husband. How could she leave without him? Isn't it amazing what we can do when we are desparate? I wish I had heard this story before,it might just have saved me several hours of counselling. But the crux of the story is this; that witch docter helped this woman scratch where it itched. This is such an important lesson for all you ladies out there to learn as it will save your significant relationship. So what do men want? It is obvious from the above story that men want more than Nivea cream and Roll-on. Men want to be treated with respect. For men, they feel loved when you show them respect the way the woman in the above story did. This respect is demonstrated by how you treat him even when you think he doesn't deserve it. When he comes home late or having forgotten to buy bread, how do you receive him? Who cooks his food or serves him the food after it is cooked? Do you treat him the way you treat his children or do you treat him ROYALLY? You don't have to go to a witchdocter to be taught how to love your man. As a woman it is your responsibilty to learn how to treat your man with respect so that he will feel loved and wanted, for that is what we men want.

WHAT DO YOU DESIRE?

"A desire births a dream, a dream acted on takes you to a goal and eventually the goal gets you to your destiny" - Grace Achoki


A story is told by our LORD Jesus in the bible about a certain man at the pool of Bethsaida who desired that someone would carry him into the pool for him to recieve his healing. This man was paralyzed from birth and for years he lay there waiting for someone to help him. Everytime the water was stirred he desired to be first on the line but others got there ahead of him. Desire would not let him leave even if it meant that he dies there.

This past week had a bit of turbulence in it. This was caused by a misunderstanding on my (Gracie) side. I kept on fighting and trying to convince myself that Barnie (my hubby) was the one on the wrong in this situation. I felt he was not understanding and wasn't handling me with the tender loving care (TLC) that I felt I deserved. Deep down inside I had a desire to be understood. Communication continued as usual but there was one part of me that was not satisfied. Personally, I Gracie don't like the sun going down with our issues still hanging on the sky, but the nature of this 'dome' was very sensitive. I knew the timing and environment to have a serious conversation was not right. Oh! how I desired for him to talk to me (hey! stop pretending ladies that you don't desire in your heart to have a wonderful conversation without hung ups with your hubby).

We later did pour out our hearts to each other, took responsibility for our actions and came to an understanding. Our relationship was restored to where its supposed to be and what looked like a huge mountain melted down to a mole hill. Praiiiise God the issue was sorted out.

Like the man at the poolside we sometimes feel helpless but yet with a deep desire for things to work out between us in our marriages. The issues we have had for two days, two weeks or even two months seem like thirty eight years. If only we looked up, then we would see Jesus standing besides us and asking us if we are really earnest about getting well and getting along in our marriage. From the story above, Jesus said to the man "Get up! Pick up your bed (sleeping pad) and walk". Likewise, Jesus is waiting for us to acknowledge Him in our situation, listen to Him, get up from that situation and walk or is it talk. Take responsibility for your part in the issue and quit playing the blame game or waiting for someone else to come and sort out your issues.

What situation has put you down this long in your marriage? What do you need to do, what action steps do you need to take in order to begin to walk again in your relationship? What do you desire to see in your marriage? Get up! pick up your bed, that thing that you have been lying on, that thing that you have let fall down, and do something don't just sit there and brood.