Principle #3

Maintain a great Attitude.

They say that your attitude not aptitude determines your altitude that is how high you go. I believe that is true also concerning your marriage. Let me ask you, what attitude did you come into marriage with? What is your attitude when things aren’t going the way you expect them to go?

Marriage experts and authors Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot include a positive attitude and outlook toward life as one of the ingredients of a happy marriage. When faced with challenges in their marriage, they view it more as an opportunity for growth than an obstacle. They are optimistic that however tough things are they can be sorted out. They also view their partner positively.

The problem with most marriages is that we have spent so much time in the dark room, having a negative attitude that we have developed a negative image of our partner in that dark room of our lives. So no matter how hard they try we already have this negative image cast in our minds that we constantly bow down to.  We approach our marriage and our spouse with this negative image in mind no wonder we lose that battle even before it starts.

What if we believed the best of our spouse? What if we judged them more for their intentions and we judged ourselves for our actions? How different will our marriages be if only we believed in them and overlooked their faults? Imagine how easy it would be to resolve conflict if only we humbled ourselves and realized that we too could be the cause of the problem. We so often remain stuck in our high and lofty position refusing to come down and say I’m sorry, instead of climbing down to say “You could be right here Babe”. 

Humility is indeed one of the greatest attitudes that is highly needed for our marriages to succeed. 

PRINCIPLE #2

Have a burning desire to see your marriage succeed. The secret to achieving your dreams is how badly you want to achieve them and that is what desire is. Jesus said that whatsoever things you desire when you pray believe that you have received them and you will have them.  As you delight in Him He will give you the desires of your heart.

When we lose hope in our marriages, the first thing that goes out of the window is our desires. We no longer desire anything for our marriage. Desire on the other hand is what makes us hopeful and keeps us going in marriage. According to Marriage Coaches Jeff and Jill Williams, “desires are the bridge from awareness to action. When you understand what you want, you can focus your energy and efforts towards your desired goal. When you are not clear on what you want, you will likely wander aimlessly around not knowing where you are going.”

To get what your partner wants you need to ask for and listen to their honest thoughts and feelings as their honest thoughts and feelings reveals their desires. And once you hear those thoughts and feelings and get to know what it is that they desire then you must be willing to help fulfill those desires. Our desires will give us a roadmap to what we want and where we want to go in our relationship.

According to Steve Covey in his books 7 habits for highly effective people, working on our desires together with knowledge and skills is how we create a habit. A habit according to him is the intersection of these three, knowledge which is the theoretical paradigm, knowing what to do and why; Skills is the how to do while desire is the motivation to do, the want to do. It is this motivation to do that separates a successful marriage from a mediocre one. And this is what we normally look for in every married couple that comes to us for coaching. Are they coming because they want to or they have to?

This motivation initially comes from a desire to have a happy marriage but later may be triggered by serious conflict or problems in the marriage. When we are at that point when things are not working, there is a motivation to see that they work.  What drives you? What is driving your marriage? I hope it is the desire to succeed, the desire to see your desires fulfilled.