"I HAVE NO MAN" - Part 1

There are two men in the Bible that were both in  desperate situations and needed help. One in the book of Mark 2: 1-5; and the other in John 5. One was a paralytic, had four friends who against all odds to bring him to Jesus, and the other was invalid for thirty-eight years had no man to help him into the pool when the waters were stirred.

Many men are like the latter man, struggling with many issues in their lives and yet have no man they can talk to. They are struggling alone and are almost giving in to their struggles.  Just the other day one young man sought me out and when we eventually got together I could see he was struggling to share with me his struggles. He had tried other men, a close relative, a colleague, and even his Pastor, but he didn’t feel safe enough to share with them his struggles. I quickly ‘disarmed’ him from his fears by making him feel safe and then and only then was he able to share with me what he was going through.

According to David C. Bentall in his book "The company you keep"; "When prioritizing work time, most men tend to regulate friendship to the bottom of the list. They have an established “network” of business contacts and if we want to do lunch with someone, we usually have a reason or an agenda.  We look at these contacts to help us directly or to introduce us to other people. This utilitarian approach to friendships among men is a barrier to developing meaningful relationships with other men." 

 

For the past two weeks we have been talking on Hope FM on men and their struggles and the thing that has come up time and again is the need for male friendship.We may have many acquaintances as men, but very few if any true friends, and this is the crisis that we men find ourselves in. 

Join us this Saturday September 29th from 2-5pm at NPC Valley Road for an open forum dubbed "The Marriage Crisis - Those in want out - Those out want in"

This event is open to both married couples and Singles and is absolutely free.

"I HAVE NO MAN"

There are two men in the Bible that had both desperate situations and needed help. One in the book of Mark 2: 1-5; One was a paralytic, had four friends, other men who went to a great length to see him helped. They against all odds brought him to Jesus. Since they could not get to Jesus because of the crowd, they ripped open the roof and lowered him to where Jesus was. The other man in John 5 was invalid for thirty-eight years had no man to help him into the pool when the waters were stirred.

Many men are like the invalid man in John 5, struggling with many issues in their lives and yet have no man they can talk to. They are struggling alone and are almost giving in to their struggles.  Just the other day one young man sought me out and when we eventually got together I could see he was struggling to share with me his struggles. He had tried other men, a close relative, a colleague, and even his Pastor, but he didn’t feel safe enough to share with them his struggles. I quickly ‘disarmed’ him from his fears by making him feel safe and then and only then was he able to share with me what he was going through.

I have been talking on Hope FM on men and their struggles and the thing that has come up time and again is the need for friendship among men.According to David C. Bentall in his book "The company you keep"; "When prioritizing work time, most men tend to regulate friendship to the bottom of the list. They have an established “network” of business contacts and if we want to do lunch with someone, we usually have a reason or an agenda.  We look at these contacts to help us directly or to introduce us to other people. This utilitarian approach to friendships among men is a barrier to developing meaningful relationships with other men." We may have many acquaintances as men, but very few if any true friends, and this is the crisis that we men find ourselves in. 

Join us this Saturday September 29th from 2-5pm at NPC Valley Road for an open forum dubbed "The Marriage Crisis - Those in want out - Those out want in"

This event is open to both married couples and Singles and is absolutely free.

Connecting at her level

Men and women communicate for different reasons. Most stereotypes are incomplete pictures of reality, but many are rooted in some measure of truth. Often, men communicate to solve a problem. Women communicate to share.  Men generally know how to state the facts as they see them, but women know how to share their feelings. So the next time your wife shares a difficult issue with you, she may not necessarily want you to fix it for her. She may just want you to listen and try and understand and empathize.

This past Sunday night I did exactly that. I let my wife share with me some difficult things she was going through. I listened to her without trying to fix her problem. To help keep the flow of communication open and positive, I asked her to clarify what she meant. I summarized and paraphrased what I thought she meant and asked if my interpretation was correct.

 I did affirm her and validated her feelings even though I didn’t quite understand why she felt the way she did. I resisted the temptation of jumping into the first available pause for breath, but waited patiently for her to finish saying what she was saying. In short, I talked with her and not just to her.