12 HABITS THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

7. TRUSTING YOUR "FEELINGS" MORE THAN YOUR COMMITMENT

Today the world woke up to the shock news of the passing away of an icon, Barbara Pierce Bush who died at the age of 92. Barbara Bush will go down in history as the wife and mother to 2 US Presidents not a mean achievement by all means. The only other woman to have achieved that was the wife of Quincy Adams the 2^nd President of the US whose son later on also became POTUS.

But more than that achievement, the other record that Barbara and her husband George Herbert Walker Bush I have set is that the couple held the title for the longest presidential marriage in American history, beating John and Abigail Adam’s 54-year union in 2000. They got married when he was 20 and she was 19 on January 6, 1945 and lived "happily-ever after" for 73 years until her death yesterday. Her husband was right there by her bed holding her hand as she passed on.

In a day and age when marriages are falling apart so easily, it is people like George and Barbara Bush that inspire Grace and I to keep going and prove to the world that marriage works. But what is the secret of such longevity in marriage? It is the realization that you made a commitment to each other till death do you part. Couples like the Bushes have discovered that love is a commitment not just a feeling. Their commitment to each other perseveres regardless of what they are feeling. According to Dave Willis author of 12 habits that lead to divorce, “the strength of such a commitment allows us to have a deeper intimacy, a stronger connection and a happier marriage.”

Of course there definitely were days when either George or Barbara “felt” like being married, but there were also  days that they felt why did I marry this man or woman. There is a possibility that they also felt for other people but didn't let those feelings steer them away from their commitment to each other. You see friends, feelings are fickle and they were never intended to be our primary reason of being and remaining together in marriage.

12 HABITS THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

6. MAKING DECISIONS WITHOUT CONSULTING YOUR SPOUSE

This week I, Barnie, made a decision that cost me dearly. I actually lost some tidy sum of money in the process and I was very disappointed with myself. I called Grace to tell her what had just happened and I could feel the disappointment on her side. But when I got home she received me very well and really encouraged me and helped me pick myself up and move on from where I was. It is definitely not good for a man to be alone and man, wasn't I glad that I had someone who not only understood me but was also so gracious to me in my error.

That brings us to the 6th habit that will destroy your marriage, MAKING DECISIONS WITHOUT CONSULTING YOUR SPOUSE. According to Dave Willis, "Our pride can often convince us that we don’t have to answer to anyone, and we should be able to make decisions without consulting anyone. Pride has been the downfall of so many marriages. The healthiest couples have learned that EVERY decision they make as individuals will have some level of impact on each other, so they respectfully and thoughtfully consult each other in every decision."

We couldn't agree with Davis more, whatever decision you make as an individual impacts on your partner. What started off as a small thing ended up a big one and my lesson from all this is that it is important to consult and make decisions together as husband and wife. Even in matters that sometimes you feel your partner isn't well versed in, it's just important to include them and make them a part of the decision making process. Two are always better than one for had I roped Grace in on this, knowing Grace very well, I would not have ended up where I found myself.