REKINDLING THE FLAME

One of the things that we keep hearing over and over again among married couples who have been married for a while is “what happened to the good old days”. Men are mainly a major culprit in this when the ladies start asking “Babe, how come nowadays you don’t take me out anymore?”, or, “How come these days you don’t tell me you love me”; “What happened to our date nights?” And if men were to be honest they would ask “How come our sex life is not as sizzling as it used to be?”

You see with time we tend to become too familiar with each other as spouses and start taking each other for granted. We no longer value each other as we did at first and this coupled with the drip drip of juggling job, kids, church obligations, ‘chamas’ and chores makes us drift further apart. We no longer have time for each other and unless something is done the currents of life will sweep us further and further apart. What then can we do in order not to drift apart?

We need to be aware of this tendency and hence deliberately do certain things that will bring us back together. We need to blow the embers, add some dry twigs and add some firewood to rekindle that flame. Be deliberate in scheduling time together with your spouse. Blow away the chaff from your schedule, things that seem “urgent” but are not really important. Identify those things that have been taking your time and hence making you not have time for each other. It may mean reducing your screen time (watching TV and being on the internet), reducing your time with the “boys” or “chama”. It may mean leaving work early or not carrying work home. It may mean helping with the kids’ homework or bathing them and feeding them and getting them to bed early so you can have time for yourselves.

Block off some weekends just for the two of you. Learn to say “NO” to those time snatchers that are taking you away from each other. What do you need to blow away from your schedule in order to have more time for each other? Whatever it is that you need to do, make sure it frees up time so that the two of you can be together. Secondly, after freeing up time to be together, what do you need to do to spark those fires again in your marriage? Is it taking a walk together, going for a hike together this weekend, playing a board game together or just launching on the sofa watching a movie together. Come up with activities that will bring you back together.

Yours for an exciting marriage.