Someone has said that marriage is easy if only you put in
some work. We enter marriage with great expectations which sometimes are
unrealistic. We come into marriage with a fairy tale mentality, a happily ever
mindset. But the reality of life is that there will always be good times and
bad times more like the seasons in life. You just can’t expect that it will
always be fun, it will always be summer, winter is on the way. Bad times are
inevitable but that doesn’t mean that the marriage is over however bad you feel
about each other. What you do during those bad moments is what will determine
whether your marriage will grow or not. Use those bad moments to work for you
and your marriage by practicing patience, conflict resolution and other
relational skills.
Human nature so often wants to focus on the negatives. Why
many marriages fail is because we dwell so much in the dark rooms of our
marriage developing those negatives. We need to come out of that dark room and
focus on positives things. Pay more attention to the things about your partner
that you love and you will be surprised how you will start feeling positive
about each other again.
Pay attention to your marriage too. So often our marriage
relationship is confined in the back banner as we pay more attention to the
urgent things that scream for our attention like the kids, our career, that
business etc. Don’t let your children, career or social life put you asunder.
Don’t even allow your hurts to come in between you. You didn’t get married to a
perfect person so they are bound to hurt you from time to time. So learn to forgive
each other and to be gracious to each other.
Accept each other in spite of your differences, different
personalities, different interests and so on. Allow your partner to be
themselves and don’t try cloning them into what you want them to be. Remember
you are two individuals who are becoming one in marriage. Becoming one doesn’t
meant losing our individuality but rather crafting an interdependent
relationship between two whole individuals.
One of the greatest sins in marriage is the sin of
assumption. Don’t assume you know why your partner did whatever they did or
said whatever they said. Always ask you might just be wrong in your assumption.
On the other hand don’t assume that your partner will automatically know what
you are going through or are thinking. Never drop hints or say “nothing”. Be
open. Say what is in your mind and openly express your feelings without
violating your partner’s feelings. Being open and honest is the key to
effective communication and the best way to build trust. Be yourself; stop
pretending that it’s okay when deep down you are hurting. Accept and love each
other for who you are. Don’t be judgmental or critical of your spouse but
instead be curious and want to really know. Provide them with a safe
environment to pour their hearts and hurts to you.
Learn each others love language and speak it to them.
Husbands need to feel respected while wives need to be cherished. Do to each
other that which communicates “I love you” in a way that is meaningful to them
and not what you think will be meaningful to them. Affirm and appreciate each
other. It’s the small things that really matter in marriage, things like “I
love you”; “Thank you”; “I’m sorry” those words however small and simple can
work magic in your marriage.
Be there for each other. Let your spouse know that no matter
what, you will not leave them however bad things are. Let them know your
commitment to them and to your marriage. Support each other financially. Work
together as a team for two is better than one. Dream together, plan your future
together, set goals together and encourage each other.
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