Facing your Giant

I Barnie recently read a very interesting article on sexual desires of men and women. Most sexual problems according to this article occur when sexual desires of men and women are not in sync. "He  says she never wants sex." She says he always wants sex." "These are common marital complaints recorded by doctors and therapists who deal with sex problems. A couple may be terribly in love, but have disparate sexual desires. While she may be happy with sex onve or twice a week, he may want it every day and if the couple does not reach a compromise, this may create serious conflict in the relationship. The problem in sexual issues is that they are not freely discussed and so couples sweep them under the carpet until they explode," the article goes on to say.

I fully agree with the above sentiments. I too have come across such issues and I am always left to wonder why couples cannot just sit down and handle these issues and others by facing them square on the face and dealing with them. Instead, like the proverbial ostrich, we bury our heads on the sand and ignore our problems. We have not learnt to face these Giants head on and deal with them. These Giants may not necessarily be of the sexual nature as discussed above, but could be issues of our past, our anger problem or annoying habits that destroy our love relationships. They could even be the conflicts that rise up in our relationships. For me Barnie, my Giant was whenever my wife would say these words to me at night, "Honey, can we talk?" That was a 'Giant' that I always avoided like plague. But I realized that unless I faced it, our relationship would never be the same again. I had to swallow hard, sit up in bed and say in my mind " Okay, BRING IT ON" .

These Giants sometimes look so huge like Goliath, and we are small like David. And so just like Goliath did with the Israelite army, they taunt us, and mock us and keep us paralyzed days on end. And so because of our fear of them, we ignore them by sweeping them under the carpet and assume everything's okay. But that's a lie, you and your partner, or at least one of you knows the truth. The more you want to get intimate the harder it becomes because a wall has been erected, there is a barrier that hinders penetration and thus its painful, people hurt, and true intimacy is not achieved. On the other hand, it takes what the Kamba call "vinya" (remember the clarion call "Osa vinya Mukamba"); that is courage, to brace yourself or yourselves up and say "we need to talk". Lets face it, let us come up against it like David did with Goliath,  and you will be surprised at what God will do. He is waiting for you to take that step of "faith".

It takes both courage and initiative to face our Giants and not to run away from them. The easier way is always the way out, taking the short cut, assuming it's okay or remaining quiet about it. As men we run into our caves and hide there. We put up a sign "Don't Disturb" and attack like a venomous snake whenever that topic, our Giant, is mentioned. But as you know, short cuts end up being long cuts. It seems hard to face the Giant, but after you have done it, it's all downhill. Its time to stand up and be counted, take courage men and take the initiative. After all, men are the heads of the home and headship or leadership requires us taking initiative. Why sit you there till you die, do something, face your Giant and deal with it.

So what Giants have risen up in your relationship? Have you been running away from them or have you been facing them square on the face and dealing with them? If you have been running away from them, realize this, you cannot run away from yourself. If you don't deal with those Giants they will continue to haunt and taunt you. They will paralyze your relationship and there will be no progress into intimacy. So rise up o man take courage and take initiative to face your Giant, the Giant in your relationship.