On our last
blog we began talking about Self regulation. Self regulation is all about
managing your emotions as this is where so often end up hurting our spouse.
Self regulation has got to do with dealing with our anger, watching our
reaction to our spouse pressing the button in our lives. And we do this by
checking our self talk, what we tell ourselves when we are hurt, disappointed
or frustrated but so often is not true. What we tell ourselves stirs up certain
emotions in us that lead to certain behaviors that hurt our marriage.
On this blog
we want to go beyond just the self awareness to action. After becoming aware of
your feelings and where they are coming from, what do you do? First is to begin
to change your self talk. Catch yourself whenever you start telling yourself
those negative things that stir up those emotions that leads to that behavior
that is ruining your marriage. Ask yourself is this the truth? Are they always
like this? Have they never done this and that for me? What about that time when
they said or did this and that to me? What about that time when they were so
nice to me? How did that make you feel? As you begin to counter your thoughts
with those good memories you will find your emotions changing being transformed
from fear to love resulting in good behavior towards your spouse.
Secondly, instead of
being judgmental you will become compassionate towards them. You will empathize
with them so that instead of wanting to punish them and revenge you end up forgiving
them and reaching out to them. That is how we can turn a potentially dangerous
situation into a an opportunity to get to know each other better and thus
become intimate with each other in marriage.
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