HAVE YOU REALLY LEFT?

Leaving and cleaving is one of the requirements for husband and wife becoming one in marriage. Whereas it is easy to leave geographically except in a few cultures like the Indian community, leaving psychologically can sometimes prove tricky. Completely detaching from our family of origin and not allowing their interference in our marriage can be a tall order.

Many married men and women left geographically but didn't actually leave psychologically. They still owe their allegiances to their parents instead of to each other. They still seek advice from them and it is what they say that carries more weight than what their spouse wants. They are more concerned about their parents or even siblings well-being than their spouse's. They spend a lot on their family than on their immediate family. These are some of the things that are breaking our marriages today.

But even more dangerous and subtle is the effect of how our parents treated or didn't treat us. Many of us don't even know the impact of some of those things that happened to us as children. We grow up with coping mechanisms that have enabled us survive the pain that thing had on us that we fail to see their impact on our marriage. Father wounds and mother wounds have such a great impact on us and yet we tend to minimize it. If for example as a lady your Father left your mother and abandoned you as a family, you will constantly live with a fear of being left by your husband. So you will either one, be constantly insecure in the relationship because of what you saw happen to your mother. Or two, you will constantly be fighting and wanting out so that what befell your mum doesn't befall you.

The effect of that also leaves you as a lady with a low self-esteem because that wound left you with this message, you are not worth fighting for. Guys are equally affected as a similar situation may leave them not sure if they have what it takes. So they may turn out to be violent as that may be the only way they may have an upper hand over their woman. It is until we realize the impact of what those wounds from our parents had on us and we deal with them we shall not leave and cleave as we were meant to. Leaving behind those wounds, leaving behind that hatred or fear is what is required  in order to have an intimate relationship with our spouse.