Focus on your circle of influence

This week (Tuesday 26th) Grace and I celebrate our 19 years of marriage.To be married to the same woman lo these many years is a great achievement for a guy like me. And to be married to only one woman for that matter is even a greater miracle. To God be the glory great things He has done especially in my life.

One crucial lesson that we have learned over those 19 years is take control of that which only we can take control of. I have learned that I have absolutely no control over how Grace will act or react in a moment of conflict but I have complete control over what my reaction will be. Instead of accusing her of making me mad I have realized that she simply pressed the wrong, or is it the right button and ‘boom!’ I went crazy and said some nasty things that I shouldn’t have.

According to Steve Covey in his book 7 habits of highly effective people, proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of influence, things that they have control over while Reactive people focus their efforts on the circle of concern (things they have no control over or have very little control over) which results in blaming accusing attitudes. No wonder many couples spend their entire marriage life blaming and accusing each other thus the two never becoming one. 

Join us in our next School of Marriage SoMa class starting 3rd September, for more details call Grace on 0729-237766.

SHARED EXPERIENCES

Last weekend we had a graduation class for our School of Marriage class. An 8 week program that is geared towards helping married couples successfully navigate the conflict stage of their relationship by understanding each other in a deeper way. Our Coach trainer Dr. Les Brickman, who was our Chief Guest spoke of two important things that he believes, contributes to the two becoming one and remaining one in marriage.

First he talked of the importance of shared experiences. When husband and wife share certain experiences together, it goes a long way in cementing their relationship. These shared experiences can be simple things like having meals together, praying together, going to Church together, being involved with each other and in each others professions and hobbies. Talking and asking about each others jobs, getting to know what they are experiencing at work can be a very powerful shared experience.

Shared experiences can be the high times in your marriage like a vacation abroad together or some painful experiences like going through a loss in the family. Whichever way, let it be something that bonds you together even the more. Plan doing things together as this produces togetherness and shared memories. Grace and I work together, we do our conferences together and also love to relax and watch a good movie together. These shared experiences have drawn us more closer than anything else.

Women are more naturally inclined to want to share their experiences with their husbands but for the men it doesn’t come naturally. We must consciously make the effort, be intentional in allowing our wives into our lives for that shared experience to be realized.

Next week we will look at the second thing that Les talked about. Check out our graduation photos on our Two Ships Facebook page.