Monday Morning Blues

On Monday morning my wife received a call from one of her nieces informing her that her mother, who is my wife’s follower, was very sick. The time she received the call I was busy trying to get my week organized even as I was supervising my boys with their school work.  Immediately she hung up, my wife conveyed the same message to me.

I had already overheard the message as I picked their conversation over the phone, so by the time Gracie was relaying that information to me I was already thinking of a solution to the “crisis”. I was already uptight with my own pressing issues and was not about to take any extra load. So when my wife told me this, I didn’t respond due to the turmoil within. She went upstairs and we each continued with our daily chores. I noticed that she wasn’t amused at all by my silence but I was also so focused on my “things” that I failed to notice it.

After having lunch together, my wife confronted me with the issue. She let me know how much disappointed she was with me for my lack of sensitivity and compassion. To her I was at that time worse than an infidel. How can my sister be so sick and this man is just sitting there unmoved she thought to herself. I initially tried to justify myself when confronted by her, but I later did confess that the reason I was quiet was because I was trying to figure out what could be done, in other words trying to come up with a solution.

Therein lies a mistake that us men do often times that makes our wives feel unloved. What my wife wanted that Monday morning after receiving that news wasn’t anything big. To her this was not Rocket science as much as it seemed to me. What she wanted was for me to feel with her, maybe come and put my hands around her, hug her, reassure her that it was going to be okay and then maybe end by praying together with her for her sister. You mean it is that simple, you may ask. Then why didn’t you just do it.

Well I’m not alone in this matter; many men are in the same boat. The mistake us men make is to think that when she shares with you her feelings, she is asking for solutions. So we give advice and in the eventuality that we can’t come up with any, we remain quiet like I did that morning. When we do this she feels unloved because you don’t understand her, you don’t feel her. That’s the lesson I learnt afresh that Monday morning.

"Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way..." - 1 Peter 3:7