EAST MEETS WEST IN MARRIAGE

My wife and I are currently enjoying ourselves in Cape Town. We are visiting with some friends of ours who relocated here some thirteen years ago. They were actually our best couple in our wedding almost sixteen years ago. We were both looking forward for this reunion as it had been eight years since we were last together, at least for my wife.

Steve and Faith were so excited by our coming here. They had prepared everything for this visit and when we landed here we both were excited to see each other. One of the things they shared with us which were funny then though obviously wasn’t when it happened was a disagreement they had just before our arrival at their home. Steve had agreed to pick up Faith from the house so that they would come and pick us up from the Airport. So Steve finished off everything he had to do and came home for Faith. He found her not ready and this greatly upset him as time was running out. Steve was getting impatient as our flight was to land anytime now at the Airport.

Steve’s greatest worry was that Grace (my wife) and I would clear our luggage and come out to the waiting area to no great welcome as he would have wanted us to have. Faith on the other hand had taken most of her morning cleaning and preparing the house as she wanted her friend Grace to find a clean house, especially knowing how my wife had a penchant for cleanliness. Thus this was the cause of what we call a “dome”, domestic war that was only cooled by their making it just in time to receive us warmly as we came out into the arrival area.  

As they shared with us their story, my wife and I couldn’t help laughing as this was a familiar scene being played before our eyes. We could identify with them as we too have had such wars many a times and so have the many couples that we have counseled with. It’s amazing how many times couples have a conflict because of such things and sad to say that some end up even going their separate ways just because of such small issues.

The issue here was basically one of a difference in perspective. Men and Women view things from different perspectives. You ask me why and the answer is simple, it’s because God made them male and female. This difference in gender is a major cause of problem in many marriages. They say that men think blue and ladies pink. And I hasten to add, men think blue and ladies feel pink as men use logic while women feel, they are more intuitive.

And so many times in marriage, it’s not a matter of whose right and who’s wrong. It’s just a matter of which side you are looking at it from. The sooner we begin to learn this lesson and understand the other gender; half of our marital issues will be solved. As I normally say, different isn’t bad, it’s just different. Thus instead of fighting over our differences we should capitalize on these differences and make the most of each other’s perspective. After all marriage is a process of becoming one, and unity is not uniformity. Yes there can be unity in diversity contrary to what many people think.

Both Steve and Faith had our good in mind. They both desired for us to receive a wonderful welcome when we arrived. They both were thinking of us. For Steve, that meant them being there in time to receive us as we arrived while for Faith it meant us finding a clean environment to live in. Both were right just different approaches.