LOVE BELIEVES THE BEST

Take a piece of paper and on one side, write all the positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the other side. Which side had the most items? What did you find easy to write, the positive things or the negative? If you are courting or newly married most likely you may have more positive things to write home about and probably found it easier to do so. If you have been married for a while, you will find the opposite to be true.

Grace and I always talk about the negative films we used to have in the olden days. After taking a photo you would get a negative which would then be “washed”, developed to get the actual photo. Those negatives were always developed in the dark room in a studio. If ever that negative was exposed to light it would be destroyed and the Photographer would tell you “picha iliungwa”, literally the picture got burned.

So often in marriage, we have a dark room. This dark room is what in the LOVE DARE they call the depreciation room. On the walls of this dark room, or depreciation Room, are written the things that bother and irritate you about your spouse. These things were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings, and the disappointment of unmet expectations. The room is lined with the weaknesses and failures of your spouse. Spending time on this Dark room is what is killing many marriages or at least makes them passionless.

But there is also another room called the appreciation room. Here the walls are written kind words and phrases describing the good attributes of your mate. In this room lies the memories of all those wonderful moments you have had together as a Couple beginning with your honeymoon and that last holiday you took just the two of you. It is filled with all the good things you spouse has done to you, including that time when you were so tired and he came and took the children away giving you time to relax. That night or day she gave you wonderful sex, that gift they bought you on your birthday. Such things that just elicit some feelings of love.

The choice is yours. Where are you going to spend your time? In which room will you linger for long? Is it the dark room or the appreciation room? Valentine’s Day, if planned and spent well can be one of those things that will create those good memories to fill your appreciation room. On the other hand, the reason many won’t even think of having a valentine’s date is because they are spending a lot of time in the dark room. So in order to destroy those negatives, you need to expose them to the light. This you can do by choosing to resolve that conflict, taking her out for a date, or yes, choosing to leave the dark room and going into the appreciation room. To have lasting love, chose to dwell on the appreciation room, always take the side with the positive things you wrote and meditate on them.