5. Trying to Change Each Other
I don't know about you, but there are times when I feel that this marriage would just be nice if it weren't for my wife Grace. If only she would not be as particular as she always is, if only she would not be too conscientious, if only she would let it be and the list goes on and on. In our twenty three years of marriage I have tried hard to change Grace to my image in vain. It has been the most frustrating thing as each time I embark on this mission of trying to change her, I've been met with a lot of resistance. She has resisted like NASA was asking us to do.
Similarly Grace has also tried changing me into her image of a husband without success in some areas. She has ended up getting frustrated as a result of trying to change this rigid husband of hers. Many couples make the same mistake as each one tries to change the other into the person they want them to be. We all have come to the conclusion that it is a mission impossible. Only God can change us and as long as we make it our JD (Job Description) to change our spouse we are bound to not only fail, but end up getting frustrated.
According to Dave Willis, author of 12 habits that lead to divorce, when you try to “change” your spouse, you will BOTH end up
frustrated. As you’ve probably learned already, you can’t change each other;
you can only love each other. The only part of the marriage you have the power
to change is the part you see when you look in the mirror. Be willing to change
your responses to your spouse’s behavior. Look for ways to love and serve each
other even when you have differences of perspective or preference. You’ll both
probably end up “changing” for the better in the process.
