This past Monday night on the big question on Citizen TV at
9, Janet Mbugua had a panel of two couples, two singles and two experts
discussing the important subject of money and relationships. The discussion was
very lively and certain truths were shared and I believe discovered as well.
This conversation was very important because they say that
money, sex and communication are the big three causes of marital failure. Here
in our Nation money was found to be the second most important cause of marital
dissatisfaction after overly nosey in-laws. Why is money such a big thing in marriage?
Money reveals a lot of things in us. Money reveals our
character and our values. It is unfortunate that when two people fall in love
they never critically look or discuss money matters and yet money matters. So
in the next few weeks we want to look at why money matters in marriage and how
we can live in such a way that money won’t put us asunder. The first thing will
look at is our financial differences, how different we are financially.
1. Background versus Present
Our background, how we were raised has a
lot to do with how we handle money. For example a man who grew up in a home
where his father was the sole bread winner enters into marriage wanting to
provide and is sometime uneasy when his spouse is also earning and able to
provide. They struggle with this as they feel not man enough when they are not
able to provide due to one reason or another. A lady on the other hand who was
brought up in a similar home where the Dad was the sole bread winner and thus
frustrated her mum and subjected her to a lot of suffering grows up vowing
within herself never to let a man treat her the way her mum was treated by her
dad. This drives her to earn her own money and there is a tendency for her to
hide her money from her man and to become financially independent making her
own financial decisions thus causing problems in her marriage.
2. Control versus Independence
Money can become a problem in marriage
because the man wants control and the women want independence. Men want power
and one of the ways they think they can control their wife is through their
finances. They feel that they are on top of things in the home front when they
are calling the shots and one of the ways they call the shots is through money.
No wonder when a man loses his job things become tough for him because he feels
he has lost that control. Ladies on the other hand have a tendency of being
independent and so often want to rebel instead of submit to their men thus
cascading the issue.
3. Details versus Big Picture
Generally speaking men are given to seeing
the big picture while women are better managers in the home so the men usually
think of long term investments while women pay a lot of attention to the
details. What is needed now. It is sometimes not a man woman thing but also
different financial personality types or just how we were brought up that can
bring about this difference. This can sometimes cause conflict in the home as
the one given to detail bogs the other down with small things that are for the
here and now while the other party is busy trying to long into the thereafter.
4. Spender versus Saver
Depending on what you saw in your parents
growing up, you tend to be like them or you react and fear being like them.
This is also true financially. If you parents are suffering now because they didn’t
save and make some wise investments, you may be driven by the fear of ending up
like them so you are forced to save at all cost sometimes to the point of
denying your family some leisure. On the other hand if you grew up in a family
were your parents lived by the motto “Eat, drink now and be merry for tomorrow
will take care of itself” you are likely to want to continue living by that
motto and woe unto you if you get married to a miser (saver). This can cause
serious problems in your relationship.
