RECOVERING YOUR FIRST LOVE

We know that this year as a couple God is taking us to greater heights as we enlarge our tent and stretch. I (Gracie) must say that as a wife the year did not give me the opportunity to settle down. My stretching began on day 5 day of the year when my house help decided that she felt she need to do something different and thus was not going to come back. This, I must say, threw me off because I already had appointments scheduled for the month. 

One morning I woke up and wondered what do because by this time schools had opened and I needed to be present without any excuse.  I had to quickly learn the balancing act once again as I drive up this steep hill in my manual shift-stick car. However, what has helped me most is the support I have received from my hubby.  He has been so gracious and his goodness sometimes amazes me.

Above all he has done, this past Saturday he decided to escort me to the bustop, which is about a 20mins walk. He carried my bag for me and as we walked we looked like two love birds, one who had come to visit and had to be escorted home by the male figure. It felt so good and reminded me of our earlier days when we were courting. It's long since we did the escorting thing because the car is there and when taking the bus the other is too busy to do so. 

What's my point; we can sometimes get so busy and fail to fully share life with the people so precious to us. We fail to see the treasures, the positives in them as we dwell so much on the negatives. We fail to notice the little things that spice up our marriages. . We begin to take each other for granted no wonder we begin looking at the grass on the other side of the fence.

I challenge you to stop for a moment and quit dwelling on the negatives but instead count the blessings you have in your hubby and learn to appreciate him. Go back down memory lane and begin to do the things you did at first. Dress up for him, look beautiful for him and be there for him and let this year be the year of new beginnings, yes even in your love life. May you enjoy the husband of your youth this year as you endeavor to satisfy him with your love. Have a love-filled weekend.

Remember our upcoming couples valentine Dinner and Dance 
When-: this coming February the 11^th at 6 pm 
Where-: at IBS-Biblica, along Dennis Pritt Road next to St George's Girls Secondary
How much-: Charges are only Kshs. 3,000/=. Pay via m-pesa line 0722-307185
Confirmation with 50% payment by 1st February and balance on the 8th of February.Hurry while space lasts.

IS THE GRASS REALLY GREANER ON THE OTHER SIDE?

We always have this notion that the working conditions and environment of that other company is better than where we are currently working, or that your friend’s car is better than yours or even that that other location is safer than where we are currently living. We are never satisfied with what we have and keep on coveting our neighbor’s things even sometimes their spouse. As they say, the grass always seems to be greener on the other side.

When you pick one path, it's natural to wonder about the others, especially if the path you've chosen gets rocky. In marriage, maybes and what-ifs are most dangerous when your commitment to your marriage is lagging and the person you're thinking of is available and attracted to you. At this point, you have the choice either to dwell on the what-ifs or to put that energy into nurturing your marriage and making it as rich as possible.

What most people don’t realize is that their perception at that time of their spouse is biased. They begin to see only the good things of the person they are attracted to and the negative things about their spouse. And so they dwell on these negatives as they chase the positives on the other side. What they don’t know is that the other person also has negatives and it is only a matter of time that truth will hit them.

It’s like a friend of mine told me the other day, that a cow will go to the fence and start eating the grass on the other side of the fence. But when you take it over to the other side of the fence, it will come to the fence again and start eating the grass from the paddock where it came from. Funny isn’t it.

Coming up and you won't wanna miss our couples valentine Dinner and Dance ,

Where?           At Biblica, IBS, Caledonia next to St. George's girls along Dennis Pritt Road
When?            On Saturday, February the 11th at 6pm
How much?    Kshs. 3,000/= per couple.

"Come two come all"

New Kind of Affair

New Kind of Affair

This Friday, on the "closet" program at hope Fm, my wife and I will continue answering the question of whether a married person can be in love with another person other than their spouse. This is what we call fatal attractions.

We begun this topic last Friday and my my my, what a show it was. People opening up for the very first time and sharing things that are very dear to the heart. How they have found themselves attracted to their colleagues at work, others to other brothers and sisters in the Church or ministry they serve in, and others in the plots where they stay. These are real issues facing real people but for to long have been kept under the carpet pretending all was well until "Boom" we got "caught".

In her book Not 'Just Friends', Dr. Shirley Glass says, "The new infidelity is between people who unwittingly form deep, passionate connections before realizing that they've crossed the line from platonic friendship into romantic love. Eighty-two percent of the 210 unfaithful partners I've treated have had an affair with someone who was, at first, ‘just a friend.'" From 1991 to 2000, Glass discovered in her practice that 50 percent of the unfaithful women and about 62 percent of unfaithful men she treated were involved with someone from work. "Today's workplace has become the new danger zone of romantic attraction and opportunity," Glass writes.

Today's careers offer more opportunity for extramarital affairs. Group interaction in coed workplaces, frequent travel and long hours create more opportunity and temptation than ever. Glass writes, "all of these changes and others allow individuals to mix freely where once they were segregated and restricted." Studies published in the American Sociological Review and the Journal of Marriage and Family show that before 1985, divorce rates were about equal among working and homemaking women; however, "between 1985 and 1992, the annual probability of divorce among employed wives exceeded that for unemployed wives by 40 percent."

In our many years of working with married couples here in the city, we have come to the same realization. The work environment and sometimes even working together in the ministry with other people other than your spouse has led many to find themselves in awkward positions. And that is why we want to bring these issues out to the open so that we can be helped before the ball goes out of the court.

So make sure to join us this Friday as we talk more about these pertinent issues. This week will see how you can know that you are making that gradual slide to infidelity, what you need to do then and what hedges you need to erect in order to protect your marriage. I can already tell it's going to be great.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

With the New Year comes New Year resolutions, some are promising to stop smoking, others to stop other bad habits, some are resolving to get married and settle this year, while others are planning to further their studies. Whatever we call them, resolutions, goals, plans, prayers, we are all determining to do something different this year. 

As for me, after watching the movie courageous more than once this holiday season, I have resolved to focus on and fulfill my role as a husband to my wife and a Father to my three children this year more than ever before. These roles I believe are my unique roles and no one else can or should fulfill them for me.

It is amazing how lightly we make and take these resolutions when they are really to be taken and made seriously. After much contemplation and with much determination. They indeed require as shown in the movie, a ceremony,they require some sobriety and the seriousness they deserve.And to make it more serious they need some accountability.

I have come to realize that I will never achieve much if I don't have someone holding me accountable for my actions, my decisions and yes my resolutions. Yeah I hear many say 'but I'm accountable to God". Yes, I have heard that before, and yes as much as we are accountable to God, we need to be accountable also to some flesh and blood. That's what we call being doubly accountable.

You and I need people who will ask us tough questions in regards to that which we have resolved to do. Like for me, I am surrounding myself with men who will want to know what I'm doing in regards to fulfilling my role as a hubby to that gracious lady of mine. I need men who will ask me how much time am spending with her; When is the last time I took her out for a date? What am I planning to do for her next week as a demonstration of my love for her? How much time am I spending with my kids? When is the last time I played with them? That's what accountability is all about.

So I hope you too have made some serious resolutions this year where your marriage and family is concerned and that you are going to find someone if not some people to help keep you accountable to what you have resolved to do this year. Have a fruitful year.