In my many years of marriage, I have desired to grow closer to my spouse, but there has been a fear within me of what that closeness will demand of me. I am greatly challenged in the area of communication and find it sometimes hard to really express my feelings to my wife. I believe that I’m not alone in this.
Many of you husbands are hesitant to share with your wives your inner most feelings because you feel inadequate in this level of communication. Men are more motivated to act when they feel capable, so they tend to avoid anything that might leave them feeling like a failure. This fear of failure is one of the greatest hindrances to intimacy.
Women on the other hand need emotional closeness, for that is what intimacy is to them. Men spell intimacy S-E-X, while women spell it T-A-L-K. Many women thus try for years to find ways to get their husband to talk before the frustration of going away with her needs unmet – again- forces her to stop trying. That leads to another fear of intimacy which is the fear of rejection.
In trying to fight this fear the woman will start throwing tantrums to get her hubby’s attention not knowing that by so doing, she is throwing stones at her husband who in turn utilizes them to fortify the wall between them. The man thus hides his fears behind the wall as that wall serves to keep him safe and to keep his wife away from him.
How then can you as a woman help your man overcome this fear of failure? First, be aware of how your criticism works against your hope of being close. Secondly, let him know what it means to you that he would trust you with emotional vulnerability. Finally, create a safe environment for him to open up to you. Let him see evidence that it is safe to be emotionally vulnerable with you. There may be ways in the past that you have been unsafe for him to open up to. If you can see this, acknowledging it and apologizing for it may be helpful.
For more on this, don't miss to listen in on Friday at 11pm on "The Closet" show- Hope FM.
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