THE WINNING FORMULA

The Senate has in the past couple of weeks been embroiled in a serious debate on the division of revenue to the 47 Counties. The debate has been on which formula to use, whether to apportion revenue based on the population of a County or on that land mass. There has been a call for a formula that will be a win-win for both sides of the divide.

So often we always want to safeguard our interests and will do anything to protect it. This is why resolving conflict in a relationship is always a challenge. No one wants to give in or give up their “rights”. While there are those who can bulldoze and have their way, there are others who easily yield and compromise their needs and values for the sake of the other. The latter may initially look like a good thing, but with time things implode and those seemingly quite partners end up doing things that leave many people including their spouse shocked.

The Senate has in the past couple of weeks been embroiled in a serious debate on the division of revenue to the 47 Counties. The debate has been on which formula to use, whether to apportion revenue based on the population of a County or on that land mass. There has been a call for a formula that will be a win-win for both sides of the divide.

So often we always want to safeguard our interests and will do anything to protect it. This is why resolving conflict in a relationship is always a challenge. No one wants to give in or give up their “rights”. While there are those who can bulldoze and have their way, there are others who easily yield and compromise their needs and values for the sake of the other. The latter may initially look like a good thing, but with time things implode and those seemingly quite partners end up doing things that leave many people including their spouse shocked.

Coming out with a win-win solution is the best way to resolve conflict. By saying a win-win solution, what do we actually mean? 

According to Kyle Benson of The Gottman Institute,

“When conflict happens, the key is to listen intently to your partner’s point of view, you let them know that you understand them, to ask them what they need, and to be willing to compromise. One way to do this is for each of you to identify your core needs and search, together, for where those needs overlap. Then you can find a common ground upon which to make decisions together.”

Going back to the debate on revenue allocation to the Counties, each side should realize that it is not about winning the debate in Senate, it’s about listening intently to each other. Similarly, in marriage, it’s not about winning an argument or having your way, it is about listening intently to your partner’s point of view, letting them know that you understand them and validating their needs and perspective. When you do so, they feel loved and the chances of you having a win-win solution and of the two of you remaining one are very high. 

Do you accept, understand and allow your partner’s perspective, needs and feelings into your decision-making process as a couple?