THE PERSON YOU REALLY NEED TO MARRY

There are many single people out there who keep telling us that they are "single and searching". What they are all searching for is the right guy or right chick to become an item with. I recently watched a very interesting TedTalk by one Tracy McMillan, in which she talks about "The Person you really need to marry" I thought this would be a good title for a blog as this would easily be a hook for all those who are single and searching.

Listening to the wisdom and experience of someone who has been thrice married, I thought we could glean a few lessons from her so as not to repeat the same mistakes. Could it be that we are marrying the wrong person or are getting married for the wrong reasons? The answer is both. Why do I say that? I recently heard a very popular Lady in this Nation sharing what she had learned from her two failed relationships that left her with two children from the two men. This is what she had to say, "I realized that I was attracting the same kind of people". So as much as she alluded to the fact that the two guys were the wrong type, she also unknowingly revealed that there was something wrong with her to have twice attracted these wrong types.

Back to Tracy, she talks about how her mother was a prostitute and her Dad a drug pusher who spent most of his life in prison. As a result Tracy spent most of her life in 24 Foster homes and the thing she message she came out of this mess was "I don't want to be left alone". This drove her to get married at an early age of 17. After three years she realized that she was getting married for the wrong reasons. Are there any painful experiences from your past? What message about yourself did these experiences or relationships leave you with?

What Tracy discovered, and we have also discovered having worked with about 500 couples is that the most important person to enter into a relationship with is yourself. You need to relate well with you. Most of us have been running away from the real us all our lives and don't really know who we really are. We don't love ourselves because of what we did or was done to us. We haven't forgiven ourselves for our past mistakes. We are messed up and are looking for somebody to fill up our hole. Somebody once said that it is only one whole person plus one whole person that makes the two become one. When an emotionally hurt and messed up individual joins with another, the two become a hole and a deep one for that. And sadly that is where many of us are finding ourselves in relationships and even in marriage too.

When you find yourself not desperate of  whether he likes you or not when you are out in a date but feel good about yourself then you are on the right path. If you are trying to get security or a sense of identity from a relationship, then you are not really the person another needs to marry. If you are waiting to hear the words "I love you" or "you are valuable" from someone else, then you are not ready for marriage. If you are thinking that someone else will make you whole then you are missing it. If you are asking yourself whether he or she is Mr. or Mrs. right or not, you are asking the wrong question. What you need to ask yourself is whether or not you are the right person for them. You need to look in the mirror, you need to first relate well with you before you venture out in search of relating well with others.