TRUST ISSUES

When you hear the term trust issues, what comes to your mind? As a Marriage and Relationship Coach what comes to my mind is a spouse who is suspicious of their partner because of his or her funny behaviors like suddenly having many passwords in their phone or going to the loo with their phone. It is normally those situations where one partner has been busted and the relationship is now in turmoil as a result of that. But recently I came across something that broadened my mind on this issue of trust. I have been reading again Pat Lencioni’s five dysfunctions of a Team and it is in my reading that I came across this statement by Kathryn the CEO,

“So you don’t agree on most things, and yet you don’t seem willing to admit that you have concerns, that’s a trust issue,”

From the statement above, it is very clear that failure to open up and willingly express our concerns and opinions is a trust issue. Yet there are many couples who will not dare venture into those deep waters in their relationships for fear of rocking the boat. So even if they don’t agree with their spouse, they keep their feelings, thoughts, and concerns to themselves because they don’t want to stir up a conflict. On the outside their relationship looks okay but inside there’s a lot of mistrust. This robs them the opportunity of getting more intimate in their relationship leaving them very vulnerable to outside temptation.

Trust, Honesty and Intimacy are all intertwined. When there’s no trust, we are not honest with each other and when we are not honest with each other we cannot become intimate. The scriptures say that both the man and the woman were naked yet not ashamed. Unfortunately in most relationships, even between buddies and gal-friends, we aren’t naked with each other. As a result we have superficial relationships and that’s not what relationships especially those significant relationships were meant to be. So next time you hear of trust issues, don’t just think of someone cheating on their partner, am I willing to be naked in this relationship? “What don’t I feel free to share with my spouse?” Then ask yourself a further question, “Why am I afraid to do so?”