The 12 habits that lead to divorce

Happy New Year friends, it’s yet another year and as we begin the year many people are busy planning and setting goals for the year. In the midst of all the planning and goal setting we wonder how many couples have taken time to think and plan about their relationship.

At the beginning of 2011, the NAIROBIAN had this very interesting headline, “Will your Marriage survive in 2011?” The article went on to elaborate how many marriages were breaking down in the city due to the current trends and stress of city life. To answer this question, we found this article by Dave Willis on “The 12 habits that lead to divorce” a timely solution to the marriage crisis we are facing. We will share with you one habit each week in an attempt to help us not only ensure that our marriage survives in 2018 and beyond but actually thrives. If you find yourself a culprit to any one of these habits, don’t be condemned but please ensure that you come up with some action plans to change that habit in 2018.

Here are the 12 habits-;

1. Holding Grudges and “Keeping Score”

Dave Willis says that “If you’ve been married longer than 15 minutes, chances are good that your spouse has done something to offend you and you’ve done something to offend him/her. When our words or actions cause harm, we need to be quick to admit fault and seek forgiveness. When your spouse has wronged you, you need to offer grace quickly so that trust can start being rebuilt and there’s no room for bitterness to take root in your heart. Don’t use past hurts as ammunition in arguments. Let grace flow freely in your marriage. No marriage can survive without it”.

Dave is absolutely right, in our experience working with married couples we have seen how this can affect and kill a marriage. Last year the International Christian Centre Church invited us to speak on the subject “NO GRUDGES”, and we were amazed just preparing for those speaking engagements and from the reactions thereafter at how much grudge we have with each other as spouses. We have not fully understood and embraced the whole idea of forgiveness. We want to hold on the grudge and “keep score”. Revenge is sweat to our carnal nature, we want to punish our spouse foe what they did to us.

Granted we have been hurt, and we may feel our spouse deserves to suffer for it. But what we fail to realize is that in not forgiving and allowing bitterness to take root in our hearts, we are only hurting and killing ourselves not just our spouse. So as we begin the year, why don’t you determine in your heart and actually forgive your spouse for the wrong they did you. Be specific tell them what it is you are forgiving them for. Forgiveness is an act of grace, a gift of love, your spouse can’t work for it, your spouse can’t earn it neither can they perfect their performance in order to deserve it. Grace is simply a gift, why don’t you start the year by giving your spouse that gift!

You know what, it takes two to tango, or tangle, you too may have hurt them by the way you reacted to them or for what made them do what they did to you. Why don’t you ask them for forgiveness by -;

·         admitting that yes “I was wrong, I’m sorry”,

·         committing not to hurt them like that again “I don’t want to hurt you like this again”

·         requesting them to forgive you “Will you forgive me?”