As we begin the month of August, we as a Nation are just about to vote in our Leaders from the President to the local MCA (Member of the County Assembly). Funny how five years have gone so fast. During this electioneering period we have been promised a lot of things from free Secondary education to free Internship program for all our graduates. We have been wooed to vote for one party or the other and yes like a lady we are now about to make that decision.

Twenty-two years ago, I wooed a beautiful lady that is now my wife. I made her several promises the biggest being when I said “I do” on the 26^th of August at 12:00 noon at the Good Shepherd Church Ngong Road. When I said “I do” for me it was a done deal. What I didn’t know is that for Grace, it was not simply a statement “I do” but rather it a question “Do you?” And that has been the question for the last twenty years especially during those moments when I withdraw into my cave, demand for my space or are too busy trying to provide for the family.

I know it sounds crazy that after twenty two years of marriage my wife still wonders if I love her.  What we men fail to understand is that, your  “I do” actually didn’t bring permanent emotional closure and put her mind at rest about your feelings for her forever. For her, your “I do” doesn’t erase that insecurity about your love that lives under the surface in even the most happily married woman—insecurity that, when triggered, becomes a deeply felt uncertainty: “Do you? Do you still…love me? Are we still okay?

According to author Jeff Feldhahn, buried inside most women—even those in great relationships—is a latent insecurity about whether their man really loves them. Even more than financial security your wife yearns for emotional security. Your wife wants you to provide a nice life for her and the kids, but she also wants you home for dinner. She wants to know that no matter what, you are not going to leave her. She wants to know that she is the only one in your life that next to God you are priority in his life, that you are her best friend.

And so as we celebrate twenty two years of marriage, I may still say “I do” but what is important is for me to continue to constantly reassure Grace by doing those things that help answer her big question “Do you still love me?” In the coming weeks we will talk more about what Insecurity triggers in a woman and how we can help our wives overcome that inherent insecurity in them.