New Kind of Affair

New Kind of Affair

This Friday, on the "closet" program at hope Fm, my wife and I will continue answering the question of whether a married person can be in love with another person other than their spouse. This is what we call fatal attractions.

We begun this topic last Friday and my my my, what a show it was. People opening up for the very first time and sharing things that are very dear to the heart. How they have found themselves attracted to their colleagues at work, others to other brothers and sisters in the Church or ministry they serve in, and others in the plots where they stay. These are real issues facing real people but for to long have been kept under the carpet pretending all was well until "Boom" we got "caught".

In her book Not 'Just Friends', Dr. Shirley Glass says, "The new infidelity is between people who unwittingly form deep, passionate connections before realizing that they've crossed the line from platonic friendship into romantic love. Eighty-two percent of the 210 unfaithful partners I've treated have had an affair with someone who was, at first, ‘just a friend.'" From 1991 to 2000, Glass discovered in her practice that 50 percent of the unfaithful women and about 62 percent of unfaithful men she treated were involved with someone from work. "Today's workplace has become the new danger zone of romantic attraction and opportunity," Glass writes.

Today's careers offer more opportunity for extramarital affairs. Group interaction in coed workplaces, frequent travel and long hours create more opportunity and temptation than ever. Glass writes, "all of these changes and others allow individuals to mix freely where once they were segregated and restricted." Studies published in the American Sociological Review and the Journal of Marriage and Family show that before 1985, divorce rates were about equal among working and homemaking women; however, "between 1985 and 1992, the annual probability of divorce among employed wives exceeded that for unemployed wives by 40 percent."

In our many years of working with married couples here in the city, we have come to the same realization. The work environment and sometimes even working together in the ministry with other people other than your spouse has led many to find themselves in awkward positions. And that is why we want to bring these issues out to the open so that we can be helped before the ball goes out of the court.

So make sure to join us this Friday as we talk more about these pertinent issues. This week will see how you can know that you are making that gradual slide to infidelity, what you need to do then and what hedges you need to erect in order to protect your marriage. I can already tell it's going to be great.